alcesverdes | [Crossover] MCU / Lilo & Stitch

G-Rated
~2000 words

Bruce didn't remember agreeing to go to Hawaii. It must've happened in one of those times when he just nodded at Tony's babble. He did care about Stark—how could he not, after all he'd done for Bruce—but the man talked so much Bruce defaulted to tune him out. He did keep an ear open for the keywords that meant trouble, which helped. However, with Bruce waiting in the parking lot of the Lihue Airport and taking care of the luggage while Tony rented a car, the list had been too short.

In any case, here he was now, surrounded by people. The last few months had been only he and his laboratory equipment, with him working without pause. Without any incident to regret. But now… He looked around at all the innocent civilians and sighed.

"Come on! It's like New York, only prettier," Tony said from the driver's seat of the rental. "You'll be fine." He propped his chin on his hand. "Want me to be a gentleman and open the door for you?"

"Don't bother. I can do it myself."

Tony pointed at the luggage on the ground. "Just don't forget about those."

Bruce stared at Tony. By then, he'd mastered how to show himself as more annoyed than he felt, but with some luck, it'd do the trick. Tony stared back from behind his sunglasses for nearly a minute until he threw up his hand in the air and got out the car and help carrying the suitcases and bags to the trunk.

Soon enough, they were in their way.

"So," Bruce began, "what's the name of our hotel?"

"Hotel? What hotel?"

"We're not staying at a hotel," Bruce said starting to worry.

"Of course not. That's boring. I rented a room with a nice family so we can live the full experience."

"A room?"

"You're gonna love it. It's cozy and simple and yes, just one, so we'll be roomies for the next two weeks!"

Bruce shook his head. "I'm not sure about this. I mean, it's one thing to be in a hotel where you can expect some privacy, but to stay under the roof of an unsuspecting family?" Bruce took a deep breath before carrying on as he tried to remember that this didn't rank on top of the list of annoyances Tony had caused him since he'd met him. "Did you tell them?" He hoped he didn't have to be more specific than that.

"Relax," Tony replied waving his hand. "I was very specific about wanting a low-pressure environment. Besides, the guy I made the deal with speaks perfect English."

"He does?" With how Tony used that phrase, Bruce couldn't help the question.

"Yep. Very advanced English. He got all my jokes and—this hurts to admit—taught me new ones. His range is wide, but he specializes in genetic engineering."

"Tony…" Bruce mumbled, although now with a different inflexion in his voice. Among all of Tony's eccentricities, the one that still puzzled and surprised Bruce the most was his need to cover his good intentions with a thick layer of egotistical jerk. The fact that he was a real jerk from time to time didn't help. But now, at least, Tony had tilted his head and the expression on his face made clear he was uncomfortable.

"It was an accident," he admitted. "I found about it after the third e-mail and during the first video conference. And then I thought why not. But my first idea was to take you out to chill. Pepper wouldn't shut up about your skin growing unhealthily pale."

Bruce had to smile at that.

Tony took a turn to the left in a dirt road. "According to JARVIS, we're nearly there."

Bruce stretched his neck to look ahead. He couldn't deny now he was curious to meet anyone who could keep up with Tony's sense of humor in real time.

The house came into view in a minute. It was a nice building, modest, and kind of secluded. On the roof there was a structure that looked like a small observatory.

Tony parked right outside. Bruce got out as soon as the car stopped, but was undecided if he should wait to meet their hosts before taking their suitcases inside. He rubbed his hands, keeping his eyes fixed on them. "What's the name of this person we're going to meet?"

"Jumba Jookiba. He has a Russian accent."

"The name doesn't sound Russian." And it wasn't one he'd ever heard before. "It has to be an alias."

"That's his real name," said the unmistakable voice of a child. Bruce turned his head to see a little girl in a muumuu walking towards them. At first glance, she seemed well behaved—and Bruce hoped it was the case. "Are you the ones who rented the room?" she asked.

"Indeed we are!" Tony replied.

"I'm Lilo," the girl said. "And you might want to wait out here for a moment."

"Why?" Bruce asked, but the answer came from the house's nearest window.

"How did you think it was a good idea to rent the new room without telling me?" exclaimed a young woman. Her silhouette could be seen through the curtain.

"It was Stitch's idea," replied a male voice with a Russian inflection. The shadow doing the gesticulations now was short and overweight.

"Jumba handled the transaction," said a weird voice, somewhat like a grunt. The owner was out of view.

Bruce glanced at Tony. "I think we should—"

"Go inside? Great idea. I was thinking the same," Tony said handing Bruce one of his suitcases as he shouldered one of his own bags. Next, he grabbed Bruce's arm to pull him behind him.

"Tony, no," Bruce grumbled even if he didn't try to get lose from Tony's grip. He did try to plead for help with the little girl, however. Yet, all he got from her was a 'it's your funeral' look before she followed them.

Tony stopped at the door and listened while, Bruce prepared himself to face a second-hand embarrassment that, by the look of things, would without doubt become first hand.

"Our guests are nice people," continued Jumba. "Besides, they paid in advance!"

Tony chose that moment to barge right in. "I so did! I also printed the receipt."

First hand embarrassment, here we go.

However, that embarrassment never settled down. A mix of confusion and bewilderment replaced every other feeling.

What he thought was an overweight, short man, was in reality an four-eyed purple… He didn't know what to call him. A smaller six-limbed blue furry creature stood near him. .

Jumba opened his arms when he saw Tony. "Mr. Stark! We were just talking about you."

"A noble pastime if you ask me," Tony replied smiling with fake modesty.

Bruce looked from Jumba to Tony and then to the other human in the room: the young woman they heard from outside. She rubbed her face with her hand as Tony and Jumba exchanged greetings. Bruce understood how she felt.

"It looks like you need to sit down," Lilo said. The child grabbed his hand and guided him to a sofa.

"Thank you," he managed.

As soon as he sat down, he found a big glass of lemonade in front of his face.

"Stitch is a good host," said the blue furry creature proving to be the owner of the weird voice from before. He now had four limbs instead of six.

Bruce accepted the glass and lowered his head to look closer at Stitch. "What are you?"

"I'm Stitch."

"He's my dog," Lilo said patting Stitch's head, which he allowed graciously.

Tony came back. "It's all settled down now."

Bruce looked at the young woman. It was obvious she couldn't believe what had just happened. Again, Bruce had nothing but sympathy for her.

"Follow me, please," she said. "I'll take you to your room."

Tony patted Bruce's shoulder before following her. Bruce took one sip from his lemonade and went after them doubling his efforts to convey his thoughts through his eyes.

"I'll explain in a moment," Tony mouthed, on his face the expression he used whenever miss Potts scolded him.

Bruce took it as a personal victory.

"They're aliens," Tony said. "Not the girls. Jumba. Stitch is his creation. Made from scratch. After a few tests, of course, but—"

"Why didn't you tell someone?"

"I told you. I think that counts." Tony grabbed Bruce's lemonade from his hand and finished it with one gulp. "This is good stuff."

Bruce used a mind trick to calm down while refraining himself from telling Tony he did not count. Not as an authority. A few deep breaths later, he sat down on the edge of the bed. "You said Jumba was Russian."

Tony raised his index finger. "No. I said he sounded Russian. And he does." A pause while he began to unpack. "You didn't think I'd take you to a boring vacation, did you?"

Bruce smiled despite himself. "No, I guess not."

"Good. Now, help me with this. Pleakley is on his way to give us a tour."

"Another alien?"

"Yup."

Bruce pouted. It lasted only a second. "A geneticist from outer space has to have interesting ideas," he said in the end.

Tony beamed. "That's the spirit!"

Bruce Bruce got up and began to unpack. The existence of aliens was already a fact for him. To think he'd have the opportunity to exchange notes with a friendly one who had enough knowledge to create life… Well, he could make some actual progress for once. Besides, there was a small child around. Tony knew better than to put him in a position where he could harm Lilo in any way.

Fine, that settled it. What could go wrong?

What went wrong was Jumba failing to report it wasn't a stew on the stove the next morning. During the explosion, in his impulse to protect Lilo from the debris, the Hulk took her to the other side to the island.

Afterward, Bruce retained vague memories of the Hulk shaking his hips to Elvis' songs blasting from Iron Man's armor to Lilo's delight while Stitch did the same perched on the green giant's arm.

When they finally got them back, Lilo and Stitch spent a good ten minutes asking if they could do it again, with Stitch making a point that he could take the Hulk in a fight. Bruce was so surprised they weren't afraid of him Tony had to intervene and decline both proposals on his name.

Besides that, before he could apologize properly, Nani, Lilo's older sister, made Jumba apologize to him and promise he wouldn't explode anything while Bruce stayed with them. Originally, she'd wanted no explosions at all ever again, but that apparently was too much to ask.

In the end, Bruce was unable to stop smiling. And he didn't want to.

He realized he didn't remember how long it'd been since he felt this way. It had began after the battle of New York when the other Avengers congratulated him for a job well-done. He felt it from time to time while in Tony's company, but now it was here in full.

He felt accepted.

He came back to the present when Lilo tugged his sleeve. "Do you want to listen to more Elvis? We won't leave the house."

"Why not?" he replied. Music had proved to be good for him after all.

While Stitch suited up with an Elvis costume and Lilo ran for her LP player, Bruce realized that, even if his talk with Jumba got him nowhere, he was already miles ahead in what would be his first enjoyable vacations in years.

He wondered how much of this had been Tony's intention. In any case, he'd thank him not mentioning it at all.

[Crossover] MCU / Lilo & Stitch

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Cuteness overload